I've started writing a book. Could you tell me if its a good start?
13 Vale Street Chapter One Two boys, Albert and Mitch sat on the stony grey curb of Vale Street. One was obviously bigger, his belly sat contently on his meaty thighs. He was nursing a badly scabbed knee that was bleeding considerably. The clotted blood looked like over ripened tomatoes mashed up on his knee. The other kid who was sitting next to him. Mitch was in stark contrast to the other boy Albert. He had a thin pale face that looked Swiss cheese. His chicken bone arms lay quietly together in his lap. His sandy fine hair was stuck to his scalp in a sticky mess of soda pop that one of the kids had thrown over him. The two friends now sat chewing gum, which they had bought down at the corner store. They had tried to avoid the kids on their way back. The ones that teased them calling them ‘gay’ or ‘fatty pork chops and stick figure boy’ and other obscenities which were the normal for the two boys each day. They had met Jacob and his crew outside the shop, he was the leader of the gang that bullied and harassed them, he was a greasy teen with rotten teeth that looked like they were covered with some exotic green moss. Him and his thuggish friends sat smoking and drinking soda pop most likely purchased from the very shop Albert and Mitch had just left. “Why look who it is†Jacob had said mockingly. “It’s Porky Pig and Pencil boy, out on a little stroll†Jacob said sitting up. He pitched his cigarette into the grass where it lay slowing burning. The smoke rising listlessly into the air where it disappeared. “C’mon†Mitch said as he grabbed Albert’s shirt to guide him away. “Oh look boys, Mitchy wants to be alone with the pig†Jacob laughed at his joke. His friends behind him laughed to and made vulgar oinking noises. Mitch turned around quickly as if stung. Jacob flinched momentarily he didn’t expect the hate and defiance in Mitch’s dull brownie hazelnut eyes. He quickly gained his composure and he used his snake like tongue deliver more criticism. “This little piggy went to the candy store to buy some candy†Jacob said mockingly. Mitch had to bite back a smile at Jacob’s immature and out dated taunts. “Don’t you mean this big piggy?†Jacob’s best friend Zach said stepping forward. Albert stared shyly and fearfully at the ground as if he saw something of out most interest there that he couldn’t take his eyes off for nothing. “What you got to say, huh?†Zach said. As he walked arrogantly over to Albert. Zach bent down to look at Alberts sweaty red face that looked like a lovely big red shiny apple. “Talk to me fatty†Zach said with menace. He started poking Albert repeatedly with his free hand, the other was holding his can of soda pop. Albert flinched at the touch of Zach’s fingers digging into his meaty belly. After every poke their was a slight pain in his belly because of Zach’s sharp finger nails. It felt like Zach was prodding him with a sharp pencil rather than his fingers. Yeah, i thought so to. That using the names up front wouldn't look good. It was just an after thought. It's gonna be a sort of horror story, i'm just setting the back ground. i do have an idea on how it's gonna pan out actually.
Books & Authors - 2 Answers
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1 :
Some type-o's and grammar problems, but sounds ok. Could use some polishing, but I figure this is a rough draft. What audience are you writing this for?
2 :
The use of the names in the very beginning is a bit of a turnoff and also it sounds a bit like "Freak the Mighty". It's always good to have the whole story written in your head before you actually start writing.
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